Falling apart, Coming Together

When you are young you look at the world through unencumbered eyes. Everything is new and wonderful. Life hasn’t damaged you yet.

Then you grow up. Life gets in the way and you start to lose that light you once possessed.

I remember looking at pictures of me before the pain started. I was around 3. Standing by this old dresser I shone so brightly. I was truly happy.

Somewhere along the way I forgot how to be that little girl. The one who was so alive and shone so bright. She had her whole future ahead of her. She had so much promise for a good life. Then life got in the way.

I sat down the other day and realized only 2 people, who I know truly love me, have never deeply hurt me. That’s really sad if you think about it. Especially when neither of your parents are on that small list.

One of them has been gone a long time now. The other is my lifeline and honest soul sister. When I’m screwing up she whacks me on the head and brings me back to my senses. Although she does it in a way that speaks to me. She knows all my pain, my warts, and all. Yet she still loves me. But I digress.

The last few years I have been trying to find that little girl again. It’s been a very hard journey. I’ve had to come to terms with things in my life that I never wanted to deal with.

I know she’s still in there somewhere. She’s just burried deep inside.

So I continue everyday to find something that makes me sparkle. Some days are much harder than others. It’s made me a stronger and weaker person.

I’ve learned to speak my mind. Even if it hurts in the end. I’ve learned how to say no to people. I’ve learned that sometimes you just have to dance in the moonlight. Even if it's all by yourself.